It’s inevitable that our parents shape us – for good and bad. Andrew talked about growing up in a home where his dad shut down his emotions and his mother was unable to be present to him. It inevitably set the tone for how he would approach his own life and emotions.
But there’s something unjust in the way we think growing up in a denial of love.
Even if we know his parent were maybe doing the best with what they knew how to do – why does it feel unfair? Undeserved?
Why does this story set up the tone for perseverance?
What is unfair about Andrew’s upbringing?
How do we come to know that he deserves love?
We all learn how to cope.
For Andrew, much of his story was wrapped up in a management of drugs and alcohol as a way to manage his loneliness, shame, and lack of connection. It went from coping with discomfort, to an addiction he couldn’t live with or without.
This is a trajectory of learning at an early age a certain set of values and ways to go about the world. It was what he knew to be true and what he knew to be the way to survive. But it took a moment of deep suffering to realize that the trajectory was neither what he wanted out of life but it also wasn’t his only option.
It got to the point where these coping mechanisms became his god. His desire and need to get ahold of drugs became the only thing directing his life.
“It became my higher power. There is not a moral line that I had in the sand that I didn’t cross as an addict and alcoholic. “
This is a really interesting way to think about our coping mechanisms, and the things that we engage with in life.
If you’re an avid book reader, this doesn’t necessarily confront your morality. But we all have a “line in the sand” – somehow and somewhere along the line we came to know this line.
But what are you willing to do for the things that you need or care about in life? To what line are you willing to go to keep it in your life?
How do you decide that?
Is that your line or a shared line with the rest of humanity?
The hinge event.
“I did nothing - nothing - to deserve that pause in the shame cycle of my life to have 30 seconds of clarity to say can you help me.”
It’s not always a moment to move into sobriety. But for a lot of us, we have turning points in our life. Sometimes that is a moment on our knees, or a moment on the mountaintop.
Where do you think your life is headed right now?
Are you wishing for a turning point?
Andrew walked a long road of suffering before he came to a turning point in life. What do you make of his suffering?
“Sprinkle a human who is irremediable with love, dignity and respect and human beings can recover from anything.”
What does this mean to you? It might be easy to picture someone in your mind who has really messed up and hurt you – but what about when you’ve messed up?
It is a little different when we think about our own faults. A lot of things might rush to mind – feelings of shame, frustration, sadness, or regret.
For Andrew, he points to three things that changed his life: love, dignity, and respect.
Were you offered these things when you messed up?
What makes you worth receiving those things?
What makes others worth receiving those things?
We all go through suffering. We all are wrong sometimes. And it’s an important thing to think about because how we treat others and ourselves in maybe the worst moments – says a lot about how we see the world, and sets the tone for almost everything in our life. Think about it: how we see the human person impacts how we treat the barista in line, how we think about our neighbors, and how we treat our friends.
Does being human simply make us valuable?
Why?
A discovered purpose
So… maybe your life feels similar to Andrew’s and maybe it feels very far away.
But let’s go back to Andrew’s line one more time: “Sprinkle a human who is irremediable with love, dignity and respect and human beings can recover from anything.”
Do you believe this?
It can be difficult to “see through the trees” as they say. Sometimes our life gets so bogged down with one little decision or lack of decision – over and over again.
But what if there was a way to finding your purpose? One that you actually felt made for.
Take an inventory of what you’re doing this week with your time, energy, thoughts, money. Take time to dream a little. If you could start with a clean slate – What would you want your life to be about? Not your job or what you do but the meaning and purpose behind your time spent on earth.
